The latest out of Guam is that the local government flipped some couch cushions and reached deep into its piggy banks to scrounge up $10,000 and some brand new cars and they’re dangling it in front of the local populace walking backwards into the UOG Field House whispering, “That’s it. Just a little bit closer now. What yellow brick road?”
Residents who register in the government-sanctioned raffle have the chance to win $10,000 cash and one of six cars. It’s the latest effort to get more people to get their COVID-19 shots because idk maybe sponsored social media posts laced with inspiring music have not been as effective. We are tired of ya’ll pulling on our heartstrings I guess. So the next best thing is to pull on our (empty) purse strings.
All Guam residents who already are fully vaccinated can enter to win in addition to any others who get their $hot$ between now and July 20.
Is this the biggest science experiment ever? Should we be signing consent forms before we participate in this doses-for-doorprizes marketing event? In the nation and locally, we are being coaxed into getting vaccines. Are these incentives, like beer and cars, the adult equivalent of lollipops you’d get at the doctor’s offices when you get MMR shots as a kid?
Do the lottery laws apply? Do we have lottery laws lol?
Did I enter?
Of course.1
Here’s how I’ll use the $10,000 vaccination raffle money I win:
Bills (Cue: a sigh from my landlord)
Pizza (can be frozen or not, depending on my mood)
A file cabinet
Gasoline (which will probably take up 1/4 of the prize money because goddamn you petroleum price)
A personal tarot card reading
$1 pickles and maybe a bag of Hot Cheetos (my mouth is literally watering rn)
Shwarma fries at Kebab Curry
Books by Micronesian authors
Retirement account money 2
I am considering giving my siblings some money but some have not responded to a text I sent in the group chat so.
According to the Guam Daily Post and the Pacific Daily News, minors who win won’t get the cash or the cars but they could win a gift certificate to the mall.
I was reading the official rules because I knew there’d be folks who could not enter. And I wonder if there are people who didn’t know they could not enter but they registered anyway?
So here’s who cannot enter:
Employees and immediate family members of the Governor’s Cabinet Members, Guam Visitors Bureau, Department of Public Health and Social Services immunization division, and affiliated agencies (Glimpses of Guam and Talent Basket) are not eligible to enter. “Immediate family members” means spouse and dependent children.
Interesting that DPHSS’ immunization division is singled out. I guess everyone else at the department, you can plug in your identifying information into this secure (?) database and take a chance, make some change (and break away, lol).
It is Pride Month also so, a warm shout out to the LGBTQ+ people who are literally the most good-looking and sexiest and funniest people on the planet.
Thank you for reading. Write to you again soon.
Cheers,
Jasmine
I’ve found myself at many a seedy bar for various fundraisers clutching raffle tickets, straining to hear over the din of my drunken comrades eager to win anything, (anything!) and happily leaving with one half of a set of makeup bags someone bought at Ross months ago but submitted as a prize because it still had the Ross price sticker on it, stuffed with luxury perfume and sample size shampoo they took from DFS in an effort to increase the value of the “prize.”
So I have very good luck at raffles and I know I will win this one.
LOL at me having a retirement account when clearly I’ll be working until my fingers fall off, hunched over a computer with the text size set to 50-pt font.